What has a start must have an end

So it has come to this, and samsing must end. Why? Because Another Sam Chan has risen! Everything has been transferred over there now so continue your spam there. And if you like what I’m doing, feel free to pay my bills by clicking an ad every once in a while, much appreciated. One love, yall.

Secrets to Blogging

Have you ever had a hot beverage on a hot day outside? It seems like a bizarre thing to do and an even more bizarre thing to ask, but believe it or not, I do see quite a few people holding their daily starbucks fill regardless of the weather. This got me curious. If they wanted caffeine, there were a million other choices starting with coke, pepsi, and redbull; if they wanted the taste of coffee, Starbucks offers iced versions of practically anything they wanted and more (pomegranate frap? gross.) Intrigued by this strange ritual, I looked up at the sun today and decided I would try it as well.

So I went to Starbucks’ Canadian brother from a different mother – Tim Hortons and ordered a large hot Joe. Before I do share the results, let me first clarify that coffee, regardless of the brand, usually has no effect on me whatsoever (This does not apply to expresso shots, those are legal drugs, I swear). In fact, sometimes I drink coffee just to give off the impression that I’m at least making an effort to try to stay awake. But as the sun scortched down on my typical Asian black-yet-actually-brown-in-the-sunlight hair and the hot beverage touched my lips and down my throat; it was as if the stars aligned and I felt like I was right next to the Philly Cheese lady playing the cello to accompany her harp.

Okay, not exactly. But, maybe just as miraculously, the hot coffee made no effect on my temperature whatsoever. I never expected it to make me cooler by any means, but the fact it didn’t make me hotter was quite amusing to me. In fact, the brown liquid which never had an effect on me before seemed to actually work for a change and made me more awake, more alive, more … wordy and ready to blog.

I think I have figured it out. For all those power bloggers out there who are more successful than I, this is what they do. THEY are all the ones I see walking around with a hot drink and 2 cups to hold it in on a 30 degree day. They find a nice hot place; be it a sauna or the equator, and rehydrate themselves with a hot cup of coffee. After the potion starts working, inspiration comes to them and the words put themselves together from that point.

Lucky for me, now that I have found out how the magic potion works (remember, only under hot weather) and along with my other superpower (Morgan Freeman verbally narrates my life in my head and even pauses in case I want to write something down) I should be unstoppable. Now, since my superpower can’t be passed on, I figured I would at least let all you other amateur bloggers know about the potion. I’m not a selfish guy, there’s enough blogging for us all. Let the great blogs begin.

Merry Christmas in June

Maybe it is because I am of the male gender, but cards have always confused me. I’m not talking about trading cards, because those things I’ve always understood, but greeting cards, birthday cards, get well cards, Christmas, Hanukkah or whatever floats your boat around December cards. There are two types of cards that are given to me. Those who give me generic cards with their John Hancock at the bottom and those who care about me enough to give me a personalized message wishing me general wellness. (is wellness even a word? Oh my, look how these cards have gotten to me). Regardless of the message though, it is a friendly gesture given by those to care enough to go out to Hallmark or the Dollar Store to buy me a card, open it up, write my name spelt correctly, sign their own name, and slap it in an envelope to give to me. For this, I oughta be grateful. But what in the world am I supposed to do with it? I’ve seen many houses where they like to put cards all over their furniture, on the wall, on top of their tv, in their bedroom – heck my own family does that. However, I cannot make sense of the fact that I have Christmas cards chock full of dust (because we all know I haven’t read it since December 25th of the previous year) sitting on my counter in June. Who brags about the get well cards they got when they were bedridden for 3 months due to a spout of mono back in the summer of 2003? We don’t. I’ve never discussed this with anyone but there is an unsaid custom for us to throw away cards after a certain amount of time. Well, apparently nobody passed the memo to me because I still have a huge birthday card from my pre-hormone days that’s inhabited more than a few spiders sitting behind my closet. I cannot bear to throw cards away because they are what they are – a nice gesture. And what of those who nicely decorated my envelopes? The extra curvy S, the fancy colors and random pictures in orange, I mean the least I could do is keep them.

For all those who have been thinking in their heads what a self-centered prick I am, here’s where I try to win you back. I actually feel so bad that I refuse to throw away the cards I receive. Yes, I even keep the envelopes. So what do I do with them? I shove them in random places, such as books, shoe boxes, 3 pack dvds, sock drawers, etc. But the lack of space has added to poor ventilation in my room and will eventually lead to an unexplained death so I have decided on this outcome. I see there are many holidays coming up such as Thanksgiving, Halloween, my Birthday, and Christmas (yes in that order). Instead of giving me a card, I resolve that we try and solve global warming a little instead by planting a tree in my backyard each time you feel impelled either by my friendship or rugged good looks. If I ever become so popular that I run out of room(I’m not holding my breath), I’ll go and ask the kind sir next door if I can use his backyard; I don’t think he minds. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, because I definitely do, it’s because I still have your card from 2 years ago and am still appreciating that.

on a side note, my girlfriend doesn’t find cards a dilemma at all and absolutely adores them actually, so please don’t mistake my confusion with hers and continue to send her cards a plenty.